Review - Slow Food For Fast Lives Bars

Brand:  Slow Food For Fast Lives

Flavor:  Various

Where to get it: here @ Abe's Market

                I’ve had savory bars before, so I don’t have that mental roadblock of expecting all bars to taste like some combination of cereal, chocolate, and peanuts. I thought I would really like these, as I read through the ingredients. I was so wrong. A penny with a hole in it couldn’t have been more wrong than I was. Holy spit it OUT, Batman. The spice flavors are the prevailing flavor in all 4 of the bars that I tried, and not in a good way. It was like doing the cinnamon challenge with curry, at one point. I love the packaging, and the bars look attractive when you unwrap them, but dang, I just can’t with these.

                               

Tastes like:  Horrible rotten spices

Taste rating:  0/10

Qualities:  Gluten-free, all natural, Non-GMO

What’s in it:

Review - Essential Living Foods Keen-Wah Bars

Brand:  Essential Living Foods

Flavor:  Keen-Wah Bars (various)

Where to get it:  here @ Essential Living Foods

                These bars are another example of how choosing the correct flavor can make all the difference in the world. I tried Tumeric Goldenberry Pecan and wished that someone would end my life. It should have been called Tumeric Tumeric Tumeric Death. NOPE. Next, I tried the Hemp Maca Goji, and it was just alright, nothing special, but man was I happy it wasn’t a repeat of the first flavor. The third flavor that I tried was the Mate Cranberry Cacao (not pictured), and it was actually something I could eat enough of to process a real review. The texture of these is great, a bit chewy, but easy enough to break off bite-size pieces. The caloric value is perfect for the size. The quinoa doesn’t really factor into the taste much on these bars, so pick one who’s “front ingredients” sound good to you.

               

Tastes like:   Seeds

Taste rating:  5/10

Qualities:   Certified Organic, Gluten Free, Vegetarian, Vegan, Kosher, Made in the USA

What’s in it:

Review: Enjoy Life Cinnamon Bun Bar

Brand:  Enjoy Life

Flavor:  Cinnamon Bun Bar

Where to get it: here @ Abe's Market

                Cinnamon? Yes! Cinnamon bun? Not so much. Enjoy Life does such a good job marketing their products that I was pretty much convinced that I would think eating one of these soft-baked bars would be 90% as good as eating an actual cinnamon roll. I think I set my expectations a little too high, so let’s just disregard all that madness and talk like rational snackers. The bars are soft, chewy, and very cinnamon-y. If you have Celiac disease I would think that these bars are probably pretty exceptional given some of the other snack choices out there for you. I found myself wanting them to be oat-y, which of course they are not, and I can eat all the gluten I want. If you like cinnamon and you like that quinoa/rice texture common to these bars, these are certainly for you.

                 

               

Tastes like:  Cinnamon quinoa

Taste rating:  6/10

Qualities:  Gluten-free, Non-GMO, Kosher, 

What’s in it:

Review: Ratio Peanut Butter Banana Protein Bars

Brand:  Ratio

Flavor:  3:1 Peanut Butter Banana

Where to get it: here @ Bodybuilding.com

                Ratio has so many flavors that appeal to me…I’m going to keep trying them. I WILL FIND ONE THAT I LIKE. I vow it. But this second try is not the one. When I first bit into it I was pretty excited about the banana-ness of it all, but as I continued to chew, it just kind of devolved into that sugar alcohol flavor that I tasted when I tried their oatmeal flavor. Peanut butter is usually an easy flavor to convey without refined sugar ingredients, but it just doesn’t make a great showing in these bars, sadly.

               

Tastes like:  Muted banana and sugar alcohols

Taste rating:  4/10

Qualities:  Non-GMO, Gluten-free, No artificial ingredients

What’s in it:

Review: South Beach Diet Whipped Peanut Butter Snack Bars

Brand:  South Beach Diet

Flavor:  Whipped Peanut Butter

Where to get it: here @ Walmart

                I find a lot of the time, people “in the know” of diet/nutrition/natural products often frown upon the mass-market brands, like South Beach Diet. Each product from each line really should be evaluated on an individual basis though, because these little bars are an absolute gem, both nutritionally and flavorically (yes, I made up a word, and I think it works. Shush). I’m a unicorn, a unique snowflake…a girl who doesn’t like chocolate. I really don’t, I just never have. So I am always on the lookout for bars like this, and this one is the best I have found for its 100 calorie hit. I always toss the box right in the fridge and eat them cold. 100 calories, great taste, 6 grams of protein, and surprise! no artificial flavors or sweeteners. If you like peanut butter (and if you’re female, I’m going to guess that you love it), you need these in your life.

               

Tastes like:  Cool (because I eat them out of the fridge), smooth peanut butter with a chew

Taste rating:  10/10

What’s in it:

Review: Mudd + Wyeth Yaff Bar

Brand:  Yaff Bar

Flavor:  Banana Peanut Butter

Where to get it:  here @ Mudd + Wyeth (or here for single bars)

                My first thought about this bar was kind of an odd one:  “This is a bar you could eat and not pay any attention to it at all.” It’s just…mellow. Safe. It won’t let you down. You won’t devour it without chewing, and you won’t rush to the store to buy it by the case, but it’s solid. It’ll make you happy without giving you any extra adrenal action. Great texture for breaking off little pieces if you do indeed want to share it with your dog, as the label suggests. I adore that notion, by the way. If you’re just snacking and not hiking or doing something where you’re trying to get some extra carbs for energy, there are over 200 calories in the bar, so sharing with your dog might not be a bad idea. Or just bag up half for later. I realize this has been a totally weird review, but I mean everything I have said in the most positive of ways. I’m glad Yaff is around.

               

Tastes like:  When a breeze that’s just the perfect, soothing temperature tousles your hair.

Taste rating:  7/10

Qualities:  No artificial ingredients, Made in the USA

What’s in it:

Review: Quest Nutrition White Chocolate Raspberry Protein Bars

Brand:  Quest Nutrition

Flavor:  White Chocolate Raspberry

Where to get it: here @ Bodybuilding.com

                Quest bars are a great snack with low (net) carbs and lots of good protein. I’m slowly working my way through the flavors, and my second whack at these was this White Chocolate Raspberry flavor. I love me some white chocolate, yes I do. My favorite yogurt, of which I consume about 5 containers weekly, is a carb-conscious white chocolate raspberry. I liked these bars okay I suppose, I just found them to be a bit too sweet. The raspberry flavor is great, and I got pretty giddy when I actually found myself crunching down on some REAL raspberry seeds. If you really, really, REALLY like potent raspberry sweetness, you will die for this bar. I ate it in thirds over the course of a week, because that was about the right amount of raspberry sweetness for me at one time.

               

Tastes like:  Super sweet, super raspberry

Taste rating:  6/10

What’s in it:

Review: The Bliss Bar

Brand:  Bliss Bar

Flavor:  Coconut Goji

Where to get it: here @ AbesMarket.com

                Most people who do a lot of product reviews will tell you, it’s a lot easier, and much more enjoyable, to review things that you enjoyed. They aren’t lying. Someone out there made a company, and (I imagine) put their heart, soul, and money into it – and this is what came out:  The Bliss Bar. It tastes so bad. I *feel* so bad. But I can’t lie. I don’t know how anyone could eat one of these, let alone eat them regularly. They’re very creative and full of good qualities, but wow…I couldn’t even get through an entire bite – I literally spat it into the garbage can under my desk. I tried the Chia Mulberry flavor as well with the same result. If you like these little circles of UGH, I’d love to hear your perspective on them. I’m sorry, Bliss Bar. Just being honest.

               

Tastes like:  Candles, rubbing alcohol, and despair

Taste rating:  0/10

Qualities:  Gluten free, Kosher, Made in the USA, Organic, Raw, Vegetarian

What’s in it:

Review: Kind Oats & Honey Bars

Brand:  Kind

Flavor:  Oats & Honey

Where to get it: here @ Advantage Nutrition

The “rectangle” style of Kind bars are mostly grains, whereas the “bar” style of Kind bars seem to be mostly nuts. These are so yummy, I like to break off tiny pieces and eat them almost like trail mix. The coconut in them adds more texture than flavor, so it doesn’t taste at all like a tropical-flavored bar. I also really like that they’re flat and thin, as opposed to long and thick (filed under:  things that sound dirty but aren’t). Plus, you can toss it in your bag, and it can’t get squished, because it already comes squished. Bonus.

               

Tastes like:  A really, really REALLY good granola bar

Taste rating:  9/10

Qualities:  Gluten-free, Non-GMO, All natural

What’s in it:

Review: Quest Nutrition Protein Bars, Cookies & Cream

Brand:  Quest

Flavor:  Cookies & Cream

Where to get it: here @ Bodybuilding.com

                If you’re into cookies & cream protein powder, you’re gonna dig this flavor of Quest protein bars hardcore. The taste is spot-on, and the bar texture is really nice. This bar really hit the spot for me when I was thinking about checking to see if I had any leftover Halloween candy lying around. In July. Don't judge me, dieting tends to make a person a little crazy, once in awhile. I have a bunch of other flavors of this bar that I haven’t tried yet, and I must say that testing this one out has made me quite excited to do so. I will still review the other flavors, because I’m particular like that. I feel like you can love one product from the same line, and then try another one and have it just crap the kitchen. Plus this way, I get to eat more for the sake of science. You can’t argue with science.

Tastes like:  Cookies & Cream protein powder

Taste rating:  7/10
Qualities:  Gluten-free

What’s in it:

Review: Skinny Girl Banana Oatmeal Dark Chocolate Bars

Brand:  Skinny Girl

Flavor:  Banana Oatmeal Dark Chocolate

Where to get it: here @ Drugstore.com

                I LOVE all things banana. Unfortunately, it’s one of the WORST artificial flavors ever invented. When banana-flavored things are bad, they are OMG-GET-THIS-AWAY-FROM-MY-FACE-DO-YOU-HAVE –ANY-DIRT-I-CAN-CLEANSE-MY-PALATE-WITH bad. In this particular product, they do it the right way. I didn’t have high expectations, but I was pleasantly surprised. The chocolate isn’t too bitter or overpowering, the banana flavor comes through, but not in a slap-your-mama kind of way, and the bars are really soft and oat-y. A bit high on the calorie side (180) for me to pound these as snacks on a daily basis, but if you’re under your calorie threshold, or just worked out super hard, this is a great treat.

Tastes like:  The perfect balance I’m always trying to find between chocolate and banana

Taste rating:  8/10

What’s in it: