Review - Metragenix Granola Oatmeal Bars

Brand:  Metragenix

Flavor:  Granola Oatmeal

Where to get it:  here @ Bodybuilding.com

                I look at the wrapper and I imagine some kind of yogurt-coated, oatmeal-y, perhaps slightly crunchy bar…that is probably pretty good. Unfortunately, as is so often the case, this bar fell flat. I need that oat taste, you guys. Stop trying to keep it away from me. I realize that oats = carbs, so maybe stop naming low-carb stuff OATMEAL…or worse yet, GRANOLA OATMEAL, aka carb-on-carb action. Stop it. Call it something else. I’ll be less disappointed and then I won’t have to write rambling reviews full of way too much emotion about a simple protein bar. Bottom line, this tastes nothing like oatmeal, granola, or anything else you might think it tastes like from looking at the wrapper. There should be a tub of protein powder and a bottle of liquid synthetic sweetener on the wrapper. Would you guys buy that?

               

Tastes like:   Neither granola nor oatmeal

Taste rating:  4/10

What’s in it:

Review - Boxed Water is Better

Brand:  Boxed Water Is Better

Flavor:  Water!

Where to get it:  here @ Boxed Water (or your local grocery, if they're cool)

                It’s water. It tastes like water. It has nothing in it, as per the norm with water. Why am I writing a review about water? Because I can, and I want to, and I feel like you should know about this water. Firstly, it gets SO COLD because it’s in a carton and not plastic. (The little bit o’plastic in the spout and cap are BPA-free, in case you were wondering.) So there’s that. Secondly, the packaging is way cool, the marketing is way cool, and the message is way cool. I love this stuff, and I’m probably going to spend way too much money buying it. I don’t care; you can try to stop me. I’ll trip you and let the zombies have you. We used to be friends.

               

Tastes like:   The coldest water in all the land

Taste rating:  10/10

Qualities:   Vegan, vegetarian, Non-GMO, gluten-free, Kosher, Organic, all natural, Halal…it’s water you guys!

What’s in it: Water.

Review - Quest Nutrition Protein Chips

Brand:  Quest

Flavor:  BBQ Protein Chips

Where to get it: here @ Quest Nutrition

               

                Nutritionally, these are a freaking MIRACLE. 120 calories, 2g fat, 5g carbs, and 21g protein. I feel like anything that can deliver those numbers, and even be HALFWAY edible is a miracle. But these chippies were actually TOTALLY edible. The BBQ seasoning covers up 95% of the “protein powder” taste, and the other 5% goes away after you eat a couple chips. My only complaint is that they are so delicate, I had trouble finding a single intact chip in the bag, and about 80% of them were pulverized into “tip the bag into your mouth” status. If the stares of people pretending that they are too civilized to dump chips into their faces don’t bother you, these are just incredible.

                                 

               

Tastes like:  a BBQ’d baked cracker

Taste rating:  8/10

Qualities:  Gluten-free, vegetarian (I think)

What’s in it:

Review - Eatrageous Crunchy Mac n' Cheese

Brand:  Eatrageous

Flavor:  Crunchy Mac N’ Cheese

Where to get it: here @ Eatrageous

                The competition in the 100-calorie snack market is FIERCE, so when I see a new product enter the ring, I don’t get too excited. It’s hard to taste REALLY good, and be plentiful enough that I don’t need to wolf down 3 servings to feel like I got an actual snack. Eatrageous is crushing this game. I’ve had so many crisps, many of them just blend together. These are a real stand out, they taste GREAT, you get a lot of them for your 100 calories, and they are super crunchy. Nacho-cheesey-licious and shaped like penne pasta, if you’re looking for a savory, cheesy, crunchy snack, I can’t think of many better than these.

               

Tastes like:  Crunchy tubes of cheesy delight

Taste rating:  10/10

Qualities:  Gluten-free, Non-GMO, Kosher, all natural

What’s in it:

Review - Thunderbird Energetica Bars

Brand:  Thunderbird Energetica

Flavor:  Various

Where to get it: here @ Abe's Market

                I LOVE overachievers. I’m not one, but that just makes me appreciate them all the more. Thunderbird Energetica has drilled down the awesomeness of their bars all the way to the wrapper, which is compostable. Heyo! Could you be any cooler? No, I really don’t think you could be. Eating these bars makes me feel like an Earth Avenger. They’ve even been blessed by a shaman. Show me a snacker who remains unimpressed, and I’ll also have you know, they are incredibly tasty. The Cashew Fig Carrot was my favorite (ahem, why no snazzy name?), but I also liked the Sweet Lemon Rain Dance as well. They’re quite fruity and have that sweet date-type taste, and I’m into it. Thank you for being you, Thunderbird Energetica. I appreciate your awesomeness.          

                 

               

Tastes like:  Mmmmmm dates and figs and smiles

Taste rating:  9/10

Qualities:  Gluten-free, Non-GMO, Vegetarian, Vegan, Raw, No artificial ingredients

What’s in it: (Cashew Fig Carrot Bar)

Review - Detour Smart Bars

Brand:  Detour Smart

Flavor:  Whole Grain Oatmeal

Where to get it: here @ Bodybuilding.com

                I bought this bar for the package. I cannot tell a lie. I love the packaging so much. But then, only 130 calories per bar? Okay! I have been legitimized and it feels so good! Smallish bars, good for a snack, and the calories are right on the money for a casual snack that you’re not going to agonize over if you’re trying to be strict with your diet. They also have 10g of protein, which legitimizes me even more. LEGITIMACY, RAIN DOWN UPON ME! They taste good, fruity, oaty, nice and safe in your mouth. You don’t always have to get crazy to be special.

                 

               

Tastes like:  Fruit and oats, oh yeah-oats!

Taste rating:  8/10

Qualities:  Gluten-free

What’s in it:

Positive Energy Rocks My Socks!

Brand:  Positive Energy

Flavor:  Various

Where to get it:  here @ Positive Energy

                Um, how cool is Positive Energy? They saw my review of their orange juice, and just couldn’t bear the thought of me not being able to try their other flavors, so they sent me a box of them! They also sent some stickers (which my person promptly stole and put on his snowboard), a magnetized + orange, and a page-long HANDWRITTEN LETTER. Color me impressed, I looked at all the words on the page and calculated that, in this day of banging on keyboards all day long, writing that much with A PEN would have seen me take about 17 breaks for hand cramps.  

                Apple juice is my favorite juice, so I went for that first. It was just as good as the orange juice. I put vodka in the cranberry juice as well as the strawberry lemonade. SO GOOD! The rest I drank sans alcohol, like a good girl. I love this line, and I love this company. They really care about their product and the press they get, and they clearly take the time to pay attention to social media – which I’m pretty sure is crucial to being successful in the 21^st century, no shock there. So thank you, THANK YOU, Positive Energy, for the treats, the care, and just for being generally awesome folks!

               

Tastes like:   Juice with a sizzle

Taste rating:  10/10

Qualities:  Gluten-free, Kosher, Non-GMO

What’s in it: (Orange Juice)

Review - Journey Bar Savory Nutrition Bars

Brand:  Journey Bar

Flavor:  Various

Where to get it: here @ Abe's Market

               

                Never have I had a bar where the flavor choice was so important. I really liked the Coconut Curry flavor, strong on the curry, a little snappy-but-soft in texture, it was a really unique and decent snack. The Sesame Ginger version however, oof. It tasted a lot like I would imagine insulation might taste. Or wet cardboard.  I tasted neither sesame nor ginger, two flavors I am quite fond of. Ah well, you win some, you lose some. At 200 calories per bar, I think I can do better than these guys, but it was an interesting tasting experience, that’s for certain.

                                 

               

Tastes like:  Spices and sawdust, but not always in a bad way

Taste rating:  7/10 for the coconut curry, 1/10 for the sesame ginger

Qualities:  Gluten-free, Non-GMO, Vegan, Vegetarian, Made in the USA

What’s in it:

Review - Wai Lana Cassava Pops

Brand:  Wai Lana

Flavor:  Cassava Pops

Where to get it: here @ WaiLana.com

                I love Wai Lana’s regular cassava chips (they are SO much better than regular potato chips, you don’t even know.) So I was pretty excited to receive this 100-calorie bag of Cassava Pops. The taste is close to potato, the salt is right, and the calories are low! The bag is a great snack-sized amount, and I found these to be a lot less Styrofoam-y than some of the other “popped” chips on the market. My love for the Wai Lana brand burns on!

               

Tastes like:  Salty potato chips with a great crunch

Taste rating:  10/10

Qualities:  Gluten-free, Non-GMO, Kosher, Vegetarian, Vegan, all-natural, Made in the USA

What’s in it: